I am going to Vegas with Big Eisy tomorrow...ohhhh nooooooo...

We are staying in the same room...ohhh nooooo...

Here are the lines:

Eisy snores loudly: -500
Result: I was always passed out so I never really knew, although I'm sure he did. No Action.
Eisy gets a bitch: Even Money
Result: Well, there was an open condom wrapper in the trash can and as far as I know it wasn't mine, so I can only assume it was because there was actually a female in there with Eisy. Was she a hooker? He won't admit it, but his wallet was looking a tad on the skinny side. Bettor wins.
I get a bitch: -115
Result: I had two ready to go at the club one night but then Eisy called me saying he was puking all over the room and the toilet so I dipped to take care of my friend. Of course, I stopped at the craps table for 4 hours and when I went back upstairs it was already broad daylight, passed out and woke up at 2:30pm and couldn't bend my elbow. Crappers elbow. House wins.
Eisy's bitch is too loud: +350
Result: I was not there for this bet. No Action.
The bitch in my bed takes up too much space: -1200 (this is not hinting that I get a fat chick, I just require a lot of space)
Result: We already know the result. House wins.
I lose all my money: -250
Result: I went with a number in my head, and I told myself numerous times, "BP, DO NOT LOSE MORE THAN THIS NUMBER!" And of course, what did BP do? He didn't lose more than that number so therefore. Bettor wins. (and of course, MIKEY WINNSSS!)
I make a lot of money: +500
Result: Absolutely did not happen. House wins.
Big Eisy loses a lot of money and cries about it all night: -115
Result: I think he lost a lot of money but both of us definitely drank enough Johnny Black and I definitely had enough Tequila shots to make up for any money we lost so I will definitely say we actually did win, so previous bet this one both are winners. Bettor wins.
Eisy tries to jiggle my balls: +500
Result: Ugh I hope he didn't while I was asleep. He definitely didn't while I was awake. House wins.
I try to jiggle Eisy's balls: -2000
Result: Why do you think there was a condom wrapper in the trashcan??? HAHA JUST KIDDING! ;) . House wins.
Eisy's scheme to get us upgraded to a Grand Suite by slipping the front desk guy $20 between his credit card and ID actually works: +1500
Result: I was standing there waiting for Eisy to pull it off but he ended up chickening out. The lady helping us out asked if we wanted the Honeymoon Suite and I think it threw off Eisy's train of thought because I said absolutely we wanted it, but he said no so he never did it. I knew he wouldn't go through with it. House wins.
Eisy gets too drunk and pukes: +350
Result: Absolutely happened. He threw up all over the room it was so gross. He f'ed my chances with those two hoes I got into the club too. What a joke. Bettor wins.
I get too drunk and puke: -500
Result: Never happened. I almost puked on the flight home because I had a grilled chicken wrap that I put way too much ranch on. Wait, I mean Ranch. Ranch is too precious to use with a lowercase r. House wins.
The only female to step foot in our room is the housekeeping bitch: +1000
Result: Again, allegedly there was a girl in there with Eisy, we'll take his word for it. Bettor wins.
We see a professional athlete and Eisy or myself follows them around like I did to Corey Brewer at Swamp in Gainesville: -1250
Result: Did happen. We saw the brothers Jones', Eddie and Damon. Although they may not qualify as follow-aroundable, we still followed Eddie for a second or two just to see what he was doing. I saw DJ Irie for the 3rd time (once in Acapulco, once on South Beach, and now in Vegas) and he seemed to know who I was. We talked for about a minute about how he was leaving on the 6am flight the next morning to make it back to Miami for Game 6 of the playoffs. Bettor wins.
I get too drunk and get lost on the streets of Vegas: -250
Result: I am too responsible for this, come on now! House wins.
O/U: Times I scream out "HANDS HIGH!" for the whole weekend: 500.5
Result: Way over.
O/U: Times Eisy screams out "BOXCAR!" for the whole weekend: 275.5
Result: Way over. I even won him a $1 boxcar bet on one of my rolls. It was a great moment.
O/U: Number of lapdances Eisy gets within the first 12 hours of stepping off the plane: 4.5
Result: Under. I refused to give him one despite his constant begging.
O/U: Trips to the buffet I make at first buffet: 6.5
Result: Under. I maxed out at 3.5.
Eisy gets plastered and makes out with a man: +350
Result: Gross. House wins.
Eisy gets plastered and makes out with a woman who used to be a man: -500
Result: He claims he never kissed the "woman" who was in our room so we'll go negatory. House wins.
O/U: Times I slap Eisy's ass and scream out LETS GOOO HOT SHOOTAH HEEYYAAAHHHH!: 35.5
Result: Only did it once and he attempted to punch me so I had to stop grabbing.
I grab a waitresses ass and scream "Tooshy SQUEEEEZEE!": -400
Result: Ugh I never did it but I was thinking about doing it a billion times. House wins.
Eisy grabs a waiters ass: Even Money
Result: He flirted with a couple, but no touching. House wins.
O/U: Number of Swingers/Rounders/Vegas Vacation/etc movie references we make the whole weekend: 50.5
Result: Over. I think. I don't remember.
I don't remember the weekend at all: -15000
Result: Apparently, as you can see by the play by play I just wrote out- I remember most of the weekend. There was just that one blur night that I took 14 tequila shots. So I don't remember the WHOLE weekend, but still, must play the question verbatem and "at all" is not true. House wins.